Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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