So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
