would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
