went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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