he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
