Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
