Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
