maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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