he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
