sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
