sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
