I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
