I checked into jail on foursquare
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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