Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
