what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
