It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
