Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
