There is no way he is gay with that hair.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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