no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I would ride that face into the sunset
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
