I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
