Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You ruined the universe
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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