So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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