I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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