Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
