my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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