My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
