I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
