This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
