last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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