somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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