Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
