no, he came in my armpit
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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