my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He felt like a one man threesome
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
