FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
That accounts for only three of the penises
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
