ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
