No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
