Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
