Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
All the doctor said was why
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
