okay pat passed out under dana's car
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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