Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The power of my boobs compel you
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
