ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
