I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
