Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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