i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
