So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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