i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
