last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
