Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
