Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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