Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
