just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
