Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
