i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
