You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
