lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
