I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
