Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
