What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
