Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
