Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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